To encourage an overwhelmed pastor's wife, remind her that God loves her just the way she is. Let her know that other people love and appreciate her, too.
Ask the pastor's wife how she is doing, and allow her to honestly express her feelings, struggles or challenges. Empathize with her, and assure her that she doesn't have to feel pressure to perform.
Show appreciation for her unique abilities and contributions, and ask her about her own personal aspirations and goals.
Remind her that it is God who is working in her and through her, and that she doesn't have to depend on herself. Point out specific ways that God has already used her to help others.
Encouraging words are helpful when written as well as spoken. A special handwritten note can bring encouragement for years to come.