Some retirement jokes and quotes are that retirement is the world's longest coffee break and that retirement brings the challenge of learning how to spend time without spending money. Another joke tells the story of an o... More » Holidays & Celebrations

Some good opening jokes for speeches include: "I don't know how well I can do on the first two, so I'll try to achieve the third" and "I'll try not to talk too long. They say it's best to leave your audience before your ... More » Hobbies & Games Jokes

Popular retirement jokes include one-liners such as "Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving" or "Why do retirees smile all the time? Because they can't hear a word you're saying." Popular... More » Hobbies & Games Jokes

Statements that poke fun at the retiree's attitudes towards employment and retirement are appropriate for a coworker's retirement. Platitudes such as "Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?" or "I don't have a... More » Holidays & Celebrations

Some funny sayings for retirement are, "The money is no better in retirement but the hours are," "Retirement is the time to give advice to others, even though you never followed it yourself," and "Retirement is the compa... More »

One example of a short and funny retirement message is "The money is no better in retirement, but the hours are." Another example is "Lucky you, no more Mondays for you." More » Holidays & Celebrations

Sentiments expressed in a retirement card include congratulations for reaching retirement, reflection about the person's time in his recent company, envy over his future plans, or retirement-related humor. One popular se... More » Holidays & Celebrations