One pun is “That guy writing puns on the periodic table is a boron everything,” because boron is an element on the periodic table and it sounds like “bore on." Another pun is “Someone needs to call the coppers so they can put a neon his head and stage a radon his house" because copper, neon and radon are elements and copper is slang for police officer, neon sounds like “knee on” and radon sounds like “raid on."
Another pun is "Someone must be protactinium or they would have already had to barium in a krypton," because protactinium, barium and krypton are elements that sound like "protecting him," "bury him" and "crypt," respectively. "Perhaps nothing is going to curium, helium or iridium of his need to be a bohrium" is a pun because curium, helium, iridium and bohrium are elements that sound like "cure him," "heal him," "rid him" and "bore."
Another pun is "Most of his brain cells argon and he needs to find a new way to earn a living; he's no Einsteinium but that manganese-ily trap beavers and sulfur." Argon, einsteinium, manganese and sulfur are elements that sound like "are gone," "Einstein," "man can ease" and "sell fur."
"No one should dubnium hopeless or hassium because that’s his bismuth" is a pun because dubnium, hassium and bismuth are elements that sound like "dub him," "hassle him" and "business." "People actinium silicon live in the Land of Osmium if they want" is a pun because actinium, silicon and osmium are elements that sound like "acting," "silly can" and "Oz."