Instead of getting angry and blowing up when your grown son doesn't clean up after himself, be very direct. State your expectations and hold your grown son to following them. If he doesn't, hold him to the consequences.
A grown son is a functioning adult who is capable of making his own decisions. At this point in his and your life, you can no longer "boss" him around and instead have to reason with him as an equal. If a renter was not cleaning up after himself, you would let him know that you fully expected him to. If he did not, you may threaten to evict him. You should set the same standards with your grown son; tell him what you expect of him and let him know their are consequences to face if he does not live up to those expectations.
As a parent, you should realize that by doing holding him accountable, you are making both his and your life easier. Eventually, your grown son may live on his own and need to have life skills such as cleaning up after himself. While it may negatively affect your relationship in the beginning, down the road your son should appreciate the tough love you gave him.