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What are some funny and witty quotes?

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Quick Answer

Funny and witty quotes include the anonymous "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing," Mark Twain's "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please," or by Jim Carrey's "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." Witty jokes are characterized by quick and inventive humor.

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Full Answer

A witty quote from Albert Einstein is "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour, that's relativity." Another well-known and witty quote sometimes attributed to Einstein, but with little evidence of who actually said it is, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

An anonymous saying that displays quick and inventive humor is "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." Here's one that blends humor with a more serious subject, "For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain," also by an anonymous author. And one other from Oscar Wilde, "I can resist everything except temptation."

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