Some short funny quotes include "I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks" and "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." The former was said by Steve Martin and the latter was said by Steven Wright.
Steve Martin is a writer, comedian and actor from Waco, Texas. He was born on August 14, 1945. He wrote often in "The New Yorker" and released a compilation of some of his contributions to the magazine in 1998. He published a novella entitled "Shopgirl" in 2001. His quote is a play on the phrase "a head on one's shoulders," which means to be intelligent or to have good judgment. He implies that someone with her head on her shoulders must not have a neck.
Steven Wright is also a comedian and actor. He was born on December 6, 1955, in New York City. According to the "about" page on StevenWright.com, he started telling jokes when he was 23. He worked on "Reservoir Dogs," "Coffee and Cigarettes" and "Son of the Mask." His quote plays on the ambiguous meaning of the word "bright." The first sentence uses the "light" meaning, while the second refers to the "smart" meaning of the word.