"Brake My Wife, Please" is the twentieth episode of the fourteenth season of The Simpsons. It aired on May 11, 2003.

Plot

On a school field trip to the Springfield Aquarium, Lisa spots penguins flying in another room; when they notice her, they all stop and look mysterious. Principal Skinner pronounces two giant “yellow pearls” in an oyster “flawless,” only to find that it’s actually Bart mooning everybody underwater. As Bart tries to get out of the water, he is grabbed by an octopus, punched in the gut by a tortoise and hit on the head by a hammerhead shark. As Bart's wounds are being treated at hospital, Marge realizes that Homer has their insurance card, and unsuccessfully calls around looking for him. Dr. Hibbert shackles Bart to a radiator until he gets the insurance information. Homer finally shows up at the hospital, explaining he got sidetracked by the TV previews at the video store. Marge insists that he get a cell phone, so that they can contact him whenever they need him. Lindsay Naegle walks into the hospital room hawking cell phones, and sells Homer one with a Mexican Hat dance ringtone.

The next day, Homer goes to buy a hands-free headset, and is bamboozled by the clerk to buy additional accessories that can be plugged into the car’s cigarette lighter socket, including a DVD player, a snowcone maker, fog machine, and a Lite-Brite with Homer's face on it. Homer drives around using his new toys without paying attention to the road, until he realises he’s on a pier headed straight for the ocean. Panicked, he tries to send an SOS on his fax machine but sinks underwater before it can be sent.

After his car is pulled out by the "Navy rejects," (the Coast Guard), Judge Constance Harm cancels Homer's driving license, guillotines it in two, and feeds it to two police dogs, telling the court officers to burn the dogs' poop. Homer previously got his driver's licence taken away in the season 4 episode "Duffless" for drunk driving. Homer can no longer drive to the store, to work, or "to the store at work," which means that Marge has to do all the driving. She has to pick up Homer's dry-cleaning in Shelbyville and drive Lenny and Carl around. While walking to Moe's Tavern Homer envies the people driving past, even Ralph Wiggum, who is driving his dad’s police car, with Clancy in pursuit on Ralph’s tricycle. However, he realises when he reaches Moe's that he feels great at having walked all the way and decides to keep going.

As Homer begins to enjoy walking, Marge finds driving increasingly stressful due to gridlock, bumper-to-bumper traffic, and Milhouse’s and Bart’s peruvian fighting frogs battling in her hair. Homer calls her "Stresserella." One day as Homer walks with other Springfieldians and Steve Buscemi, singing about the virtues of walking, Marge accidentally runs him over with her car.

Later, as Homer recuperates from the accident, Hibbert tells Marge that Homer's crushed pelvis means that he is now utterly dependent on her. She brings Homer soup and profuse apologies. When he finds the soup to be too hot, Marge, offering to cool it down, accidentally spills the soup all over him. Later, Homer hobbles out with a cane, claiming he feels fine, much to Marge’s annoyance, since she has to drive. She "accidentally" kicks out his cane, making him fall. Homer begins to suspect that Marge is trying to hurt him. They have a fight and go to see a marriage counselor. When Homer fails to list Marge as one of the people who are most important to him (his list basically contains variations of his name), she walks off sadly. The counselor advises Homer to perform one completely unselfish gesture to win Marge back. He suggests a romantic dinner. So Homer decides to do one better and invites all the people of Springfield for a backyard barbecue in Marge’s honor (first getting rid of the Flanders by sending them a note that reads: “Dude, meet me in Montana XXOO—Jesus H. Christ”).

Marge, returning in a foul mood after driving, walks to the backyard and is welcomed by everyone. Jackson Browne sings a duet with Homer, praising Marge. After the barbecue, Marge tells Homer that she loves him and that she wants to kill him...with kisses. Homer and the other guests toast her. After dinner, Homer, wanting some privacy with Marge, ends the barbecue by turning on the sprinklers.

Springfield location

Springfield is located somewhere near the Missouri/Illinois area according to a map in this episode.

Channel 4 censorship

The segment when Homer invites everyone to take a walk with him, Marge says she can't because she has "to go pick up Grampa", is cut when she then says, "He's proposed to another hooker at the bus station".

Cultural references

• The title of this episode is a reference to the old Henny Youngman line, “Take my wife, please.” This line was also referenced in the title of a past Simpsons episode, “Take My Wife, Sleaze.”
• Homer’s song “I Love to Walk” was a parody of "Talk to the Animals," from the 1967 movie and animated series Dr. Doolittle.
• Homer’s duet with Jackson Browne is a parody of Browne’s song “Rosie” from the album Running on Empty.
• Homer scratches a record and sings in a karaoke microphone singing the intro to “I Feel for You” by Chaka Khan.