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The Wettest Stories Ever Told

The Wettest Stories Ever Told is the eighteenth episode of The Simpsonsseventeenth season. It originally aired on April 23, 2006.

Plot

A dinner at the Frying Dutchman gone wrong turns into an excuse for another anthology show, this time with a nautical theme—Lisa tells about the Mayflower voyage, Bart tells about mutiny while going to Tahiti, and Homer tells about capsizing cruise ships.

Mayflower Madman

Marge, Bart, and Lisa board the Mayflower to head for the new world, but just as they do, Homer runs ahead of them and hides in a barrel. They see the police (Lenny and Carl) looking for him (as he made the mistake of questioning why this era is called the Jacobean era when the king is named James and not "Jacob"), and they take pity on him. Marge immediately grows on Homer, but Moe likes her as well (having gone as far as to kill her husband) and is instantly jealous of their friendship. To get Homer out of the way, Moe takes him down to the storage room where all the beer is held and tells him to drink whenever a wave hits the boat. He gets drunk, and Captain “Flandish” (Flanders) and Reverend Lovejoy find him and other passengers partying. Moe blames Homer, and they place him in a stock. Then, a storm approaches, and Flanders gets knocked out. Homer claims that he steers better when he is drunk, and while drinking a bottle of wine while still trapped in the stock and shirtless, he leads them safely out of the storm. He and Marge get together, and they all make it to the New World.

The Whine-Bar Sea

The Bounty sets sail from England in 1789, commanded by Captain Bligh (Skinner). During the first 718 days of the voyage, Bligh severely mistreats his crew, by not giving them water at last day in order to save water and tossing off their mail because they had drawn a picture of Bligh making off with a sailor. Willie warns him of a mutiny if he mistreats them too much, but Bligh ignores him. They arrive in Tahiti, where Homer and Marge are the rulers of island and the crew has a wonderful time until it was time to leave. The crew wanted to stay at Tahiti, but Captain Bligh tells them that it was wonderful vacation but they must forget it and sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in-a-round while working. Eventually, First Mate Bart Christian, who is angered by this, leads a mutiny with the help of the crew and sends Bligh and Willie off in a lifeboat. Bligh mistreats Willie, calling him a spineless coward, because Willie cannot sing in canon because he is only one. In response, Willie forces Bligh off the lifeboat (proving that he is not a coward) and rows away while Bligh holds onto on a sea turtle, who then submerges into the sea. Bart, as the new Captain of the Bounty, orders the crews to set sail for Tahiti...then he throws away the ship’s helm and they crash into Antarctica.

Watership D'ohn

Homer’s story takes place on the luxury liner Neptune on New Year’s Eve during the 1970s. It is a parody of The Poseidon Adventure. At midnight, Captain Burns fails to notice a massive freak wave which hits the bridge and kills him and First Officer Waylon Smithers and the ship capsizes. A lot of people die. Led by Selma, survivors Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Lenny, Carl, Comic Book Guy, Old Jewish Man (and his wife), and Sideshow Mel ignore Purser Wiggum’s advice to stay put in the ball room and decide to climb up the decks to the engine room. While climbing up through the smokestack, Lenny panics and takes a dive. They encounter rooms in flame, tigers, and Homer doing his business in an upside-down bathroom, knowing that he has great ass-suction. Comic Book Guy swims through a flooded deck to help the others get to the engine room, but he has a heart attack and dies. The group makes it to the engine room, but Sideshow Mel’s hair is set on fire because of a blowtorch from the rescue team and he falls unconscious. The rest of the original group makes it off the ship, at which point they encounter the walking skeletons of the Bounty crew, who are still trying to get back to Tahiti.

Cultural references

This episode’s title spoofs the title of the film The Greatest Story Ever Told. Marge mentions the restaurant chain Red Lobster when told their food will be from another seafood restaurant.

First Story:

Although the construction of the Mayflower is unknown, the rigging changes throughout the journey - notably the mizzen-mast, the presence of a staysail, and the shape of the spanker. This episode also references Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”. In the first story, after the storm breaks off, Homer notices an albatross which he eats. Unlike the poem, this action does not lead to unfortunate incidents.

Second Story:

Third Story

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