"We Can Get Them For You Wholesale" is a short story by Neil Gaiman written in 1989. The story was first published in Knave (magazine), and has also been included in his short story collections Angels and Visitations (1993) and Smoke and Mirrors (1998). It is a lighthearted tale of morbid irony and one man's weakness for a bargain.

The story is about Peter Pinter, a mild-mannered city-dweller who finds his fiancée unfaithful, and so, in the spirit of revenge, searches the phone book for an assassin. To his surprise, he finds just what he is looking for, and, to his curiosity, the company offers special deals and discounts for large orders. Of course Peter happens to be a sucker for bargains, and soon finds himself in over his head. The story was adapted as a short film in 2004 by director Kody Zimmermann and produced by Ghostwood Films.

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• Comic adaptation (by Ken Meyer Jr. and Joe Pruett)