Pierre Desproges (May 9, 1939 - April 18, 1988) was a French humorist. He was famous for his elaborate, eloquent and above all, virulent diatribes criticizing anything and everything. He was born in Pantin, Seine-Saint-Denis. According to himself, he made no significant achievements before the age of 30. From 1967 to 1970, he worked as : life insurance salesman, opinion pool investigator, "lonely hearts" columnist, horse racing forecaster, and sales manager of an expanded polystyrene beam company.
From 1970 to 1976, he worked for the newspaper L'Aurore. Starting in 1975, he became a "journalist" on Le petit rapporteur (The Little Snitch), a satirical TV show hosted by Jacques Martin He caught the public's attention with unconventional interviews of celebrities, among them novelists Françoise Sagan or Jean-Edern Hallier
He appeared for the first time on stage at the Olympia theater during a Thierry Le Luron show. Among other things, he became very famous for his Chroniques de la haine ordinaire (Chronicles of Ordinary Hatred), a 1986 radio show.
In the 1980s, he appeared daily on Le tribunal des flagrants délires (a pun on the French term "flagrant délit" meaning red-handed), a comedy show where celebrities were judged in mock-trials. Desproges held the part of the prosecutor for more than two years, a part for which his verve, his scathing humour and his literary erudition were ideally suited.
In 1982, he created La minute nécessaire de Monsieur Cyclopède, a series of shorts for TV, where he played an omniscient professor. He would answer to metaphysical and nonsensical questions such as "How to make King Louis XVI fireproof?" , proved that Beethoven was not deaf but stupid , and explained why the improbable encounter between the Venus de Milo and Saint Exupéry's 'Petit Prince' was a fiasco
''The day we pay taxes for the dying people in the world, and go round with the hat to prepare the wars, I will sing "We Are the World". Before then yes buddy i got 10 bucks, and i keep it!
*You can laugh about anything, but not with everyone.
*Everything in life is a matter of choice. It starts with "pacifier or nipple?", it ends with "Oak or pine ?"
*The goal of modern man on Earth is obviously to run around aimlessly and without a thought, just so he can proudly say, on his death bed : "I did not waste my time".
*Heroism is the only way to become famous when one has no talent. (or : Martyrdom is the only way to become famous when one has no talent.)
*One should not give up hope on imbeciles. With a little training, you can make them into soldiers.
*In yesterday's edition, a slight technical error made us print the names of poisonous mushrooms under the photographs of edible mushrooms, and vice versa. Our surviving readers will have rectified themselves.
*Every morning, I bring my wife coffee in bed. All she has to do is grind it.(originally from Pierre Doris, another french comedian)
*Bigamy is when you have two wives, monotony is when you only have one.
*Born a little prematurely in a Wu-Han factory, in popular China, a worker's baby received the charming first name of "Flower-blooming-on-a-workbench-thanks-to-the-efforts-of-the-comrade-foreman".
*Youth, any kind of youth, is the Kafkaian time during which the humiliated larva, flat on its back, has no more reason to pipe up than chances to get back on its feet by itself. As much as I do yours, I disavow mine. Humanity is a cockroach. Youth is its maggot.
*Myopy is corrected by wearing divergent glasses, presbyopia by wearing convergent glasses and cyclopism by wearing a monocle.
*Pierre Desproges died from cancer. Astonishing isn't it? Headline of the announcement of his death by the news agency Agence France-Presse. The author of this headline was his friend Jean-Louis Fournier. Desproges once said "Moi, j'ai pas de cancer, j'en aurai jamais je suis contre." ("I've no cancer, I'll never have cancer, I'm against it.")