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myopy

Pierre Desproges

Pierre Desproges (May 9, 1939 - April 18, 1988) was a French humorist. He was famous for his elaborate, eloquent and above all, virulent diatribes criticizing anything and everything. He was born in Pantin, Seine-Saint-Denis. According to himself, he made no significant achievements before the age of 30. From 1967 to 1970, he worked as : life insurance salesman, opinion pool investigator, "lonely hearts" columnist, horse racing forecaster, and sales manager of an expanded polystyrene beam company.

From 1970 to 1976, he worked for the newspaper L'Aurore. Starting in 1975, he became a "journalist" on Le petit rapporteur (The Little Snitch), a satirical TV show hosted by Jacques Martin He caught the public's attention with unconventional interviews of celebrities, among them novelists Françoise Sagan or Jean-Edern Hallier

He appeared for the first time on stage at the Olympia theater during a Thierry Le Luron show. Among other things, he became very famous for his Chroniques de la haine ordinaire (Chronicles of Ordinary Hatred), a 1986 radio show.

In the 1980s, he appeared daily on Le tribunal des flagrants délires (a pun on the French term "flagrant délit" meaning red-handed), a comedy show where celebrities were judged in mock-trials. Desproges held the part of the prosecutor for more than two years, a part for which his verve, his scathing humour and his literary erudition were ideally suited.

In 1982, he created La minute nécessaire de Monsieur Cyclopède, a series of shorts for TV, where he played an omniscient professor. He would answer to metaphysical and nonsensical questions such as "How to make King Louis XVI fireproof?" , proved that Beethoven was not deaf but stupid , and explained why the improbable encounter between the Venus de Milo and Saint Exupéry's 'Petit Prince' was a fiasco

In 1984, he had his first stand-up show at the Théâtre Fontaine. In 1986, his second stand-up, Pierre Desproges se donne en spectacle was presented at the Théâtre Grévin.

He died in 1988 from lung cancer, a disease he had bitterly laughed at time and time again, often saying "I won't have a cancer : I'm against it". He is buried in the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris.

Quotes

  • Le jour où on payera des impôts pour les mourants du monde, et qu’on fera la quête pour préparer les guerres, j’irais chanter avec Renaud. En attendant oui mon pote j’ai 100 balles, et je les garde !

''The day we pay taxes for the dying people in the world, and go round with the hat to prepare the wars, I will sing "We Are the World". Before then yes buddy i got 10 bucks, and i keep it!

  • On peut rire de tout, mais pas avec tout le monde.

*You can laugh about anything, but not with everyone.

  • Tout dans la vie est une affaire de choix. Ca commence par la tétine ou le téton, ça se termine par le chêne ou le sapin.

*Everything in life is a matter of choice. It starts with "pacifier or nipple?", it ends with "Oak or pine ?"

  • Le but de l’homme moderne sur cette terre est à l’évidence de s’agiter sans réfléchir dans tous les sens, afin de pouvoir dire fièrement, à l’heure de sa mort : « Je n’ai pas perdu mon temps. »

*The goal of modern man on Earth is obviously to run around aimlessly and without a thought, just so he can proudly say, on his death bed : "I did not waste my time".

  • L’héroïsme est la seule façon de devenir célèbre quand on n’a pas de talent. (or: Le martyre est la seule façon de devenir célèbre quand on n’a pas de talent.)

*Heroism is the only way to become famous when one has no talent. (or : Martyrdom is the only way to become famous when one has no talent.)

  • Il ne faut pas désespérer des imbéciles. Avec un peu d’entraînement, on peut arriver à en faire des militaires.

*One should not give up hope on imbeciles. With a little training, you can make them into soldiers.

  • Dans notre édition d’hier, une légère erreur technique nous a fait imprimer les noms de champignons vénéneux sous les photos des champignons comestibles, et vice versa. Nos lecteurs survivants auront rectifié d’eux-mêmes.

*In yesterday's edition, a slight technical error made us print the names of poisonous mushrooms under the photographs of edible mushrooms, and vice versa. Our surviving readers will have rectified themselves.

  • Tous les matins, j'apporte à ma femme le café au lit. Elle n'a plus qu'à le moudre.

*Every morning, I bring my wife coffee in bed. All she has to do is grind it.(originally from Pierre Doris, another french comedian)

  • La bigamie, c'est quand on a deux femmes, la monotonie, c'est quand on n'en a qu'une.

*Bigamy is when you have two wives, monotony is when you only have one.

  • Né un peu prématurement dans une usine de Wouhan, en Chine populaire, le poupon d'une ouvrière a reçu le prénom charmant de 'Fleur-éclose-sur-un coin-d'établi-grâce-aux-efforts-du-camarade-contremaître'.

*Born a little prematurely in a Wu-Han factory, in popular China, a worker's baby received the charming first name of "Flower-blooming-on-a-workbench-thanks-to-the-efforts-of-the-comrade-foreman".

  • La jeunesse, toutes les jeunesses sont le temps kafkaïen où la larve humiliée, couchée sur le dos, n'a pas plus de raison de ramener sa fraise que de chances de se remettre toute seule sur ses pattes. Autant que la vôtre, je renie la mienne. L'humanité est un cafard. La jeunesse est son ver blanc.

*Youth, any kind of youth, is the Kafkaian time during which the humiliated larva, flat on its back, has no more reason to pipe up than chances to get back on its feet by itself. As much as I do yours, I disavow mine. Humanity is a cockroach. Youth is its maggot.

  • La myopie est corrigée par le port de verres divergents, la presbytie est corrigée par le port de verres convergents et le cyclopisme par le port du monocle.

*Myopy is corrected by wearing divergent glasses, presbyopia by wearing convergent glasses and cyclopism by wearing a monocle.

  • Pierre Desproges est mort d'un cancer. Étonnant non?

*Pierre Desproges died from cancer. Astonishing isn't it? Headline of the announcement of his death by the news agency Agence France-Presse. The author of this headline was his friend Jean-Louis Fournier. Desproges once said "Moi, j'ai pas de cancer, j'en aurai jamais je suis contre." ("I've no cancer, I'll never have cancer, I'm against it.")

Books

  • "Le petit rapporteur" (1999) (The Little Reporter)
  • "La seule certitude que j'ai, c'est d'être dans le doute" (1998) (The Only Certainty I Have, Is to Be in Doubt)
  • "Les bons conseils du professeur Corbiniou" (1997) (The Good Advice of Professor Corbiniou)
  • "La minute nécessaire de Monsieur Cyclopède" (1995) (The Necessary Minute of Mr Cyclopede)
  • "Les étrangers sont nuls" (1992) (Foreigners Are Worthless)
  • "Fond de tiroir" (1990) (Drawer Bottom)
  • "L'almanach" (1989) (The Almanac)
  • "Textes de scène" (1988) (Stand-up Texts)
  • "Des femmes qui tombent" (1985) (Falling Women)
  • "Dictionnaire superflu à l'usage de l'élite et des biens-nantis" (1985) (Superfluous Dictionary for the Elite and the Well-to-do)
  • "Vivons heureux en attendant la mort" (1983) (Let Us Live Happily While We're Waiting for Death)
  • "Manuel de savoir-vivre à l'usage des rustres et des malpolis" (1981) (Handbook of Good Manners for the Uncouth and the Impolite)

External links

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