moneyless [muhn-ee]

You have two cows

"You have two cows" is the beginning phrase for a series of political joke definitions.

Background

"You have two cows" jokes originated as a parody of the typical examples used in introductory-level economics course material. They featured a farmer in a moneyless society who uses the cattle he owns to trade with his neighbors. A typical example is: "You have two cows; you want chickens; you set out to find another farmer who has chickens and wants a cow". These examples were meant to show the limitations of the barter system, leading to the eventual introduction of currency and money.

The "two cows" parodies, however, place the cow-owner in a full-fledged economic system where cows are used as a metaphor for all currency, capital, and property. The intent of these jokes is usually to point out flaws and absurdities in those systems, although non-political jokes have been derived from them (see below).

An early example (and possible origin) of this genre was a monologue by comedian Pat Paulsen on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour in the late 1960s. This material was later used as an element of his satirical US presidential campaign in 1968, and was included on his 1968 comedy album Pat Paulsen for President.

Examples

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to someone else. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and evenly distributes the milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd.