chicken colonel

Al Bundy

Alphonse Hercules "Al" Bundy (born 1948) is a legendary fictional character from the U.S. television series Married… with Children, played by Ed O'Neill.

Fictional character history

The series never specified what name "Al" was short for, but the creators of the show said it was short for "Alphonse" or just "Al" (it should be noted that in the episode dealing with the overdue library book, the librarian called him Alphonse Bundy). He is a slovenly character who finds himself constantly downtrodden by life and forever regretful of the turns his life has taken since the end of high school, when marriage prevented him from playing college football. The character was so popular that it has left O'Neill somewhat typecast since the series ended production.

Al Bundy is married to Peg Bundy, his lazy, red-haired wife. He mistakenly asked her to marry him after he got drunk. He has two children: Kelly, a promiscuous, dumb blonde, and Bud, an intelligent but perpetually horny weasel who he named after a beer. Al is the proud owner of a '71 Dodge (actually a Plymouth Duster), built back in the era of American automotive T-Rex cars (although in one episode it is revealed that, "The Dodge" is constructed out of the parts of other broken-down, destroyed Dodges) and lives in Chicago. He works as a shoe salesman at the fictional Gary's Shoes and Accessories for Today's Woman in the fictional New Market Mall. That is, he sells women's shoes! Al hates his job, loses it several times throughout the series, yet always ends up coming back to it. While it is suggested throughout the show that Al makes minimum-wage, it is likely an exaggeration, as the Bundys have a rather typical home that would be impossibly out of reach for a minimum-wage worker. However, in one episode, Al is offered early retirement and given a year's pay - $12,000. It is also worth noting that throughout the series Al is saddled with massive debts, caused by everything from the various disasters he becomes involved in to his wife's spending habits, and yet never seems to miss a mortgage payment or have to file for bankruptcy.

It is implied that Al is not very well liked by his neighborhood. In Route 666 Marcy said that when they found out on what was believed to be Al's death, they all started dancing and singing Ding Dong, the shoe man's dead and called it a cruel, cruel hoax.

Despite being a somewhat phlegmatic and slow person, Bundy has a very dry sense of humor, and a definite love for his family, though that can still be traded for a fair amount of money. On the rare occasions where he enjoys luxury and money, Al indeed expresses love for his family. An example can be seen in one episode where Peggy and Al receive free first-class plane tickets to New York City from Marcy and are seen sipping champagne and singing "Hey Paula" together. This suggests that perhaps his distaste for them is spawned merely by his blaming them for his poor quality of life.

Al hates fat women, his job, the prospect of having sex with his wife, his feminist neighbor Marcy D'Arcy, and the French. He loves dirty magazines, free beer, bowling and "nudie" bars, and often cherishes the glory moment of his past - scoring four touchdowns "in a single game" while playing for the fictional Polk High School Panthers in the 1966 city championship game versus fictional Andrew Johnson High School, including the game winning touchdown in the final seconds against his old nemesis “Spare Tire” Dixon (played by Bubba Smith in episode All-Nite Security Dude). His favorite movie is Hondo, favorite sitcom - Psycho Dad. His favorite magazine is "Big'uns." He enjoys watching sports and dirty movies on television, with his right hand tucked into his pants (he switches to his left hand on Sundays).

Al's talents include playing baseball, bowling, cooking on the barbecue (wearing an apron that says "Kiss the Cook, Kill the Wife"), and getting into and winning fistfights. He can survive incredible injuries ranging from a fall off the Bundy roof (which happened when he tried to install a satellite dish), getting electrocuted by that same dish, and getting pulverized by a massive woman wrestler in Las Vegas. Al also has an encyclopedic memory for sports trivia, which usually demonstrates how he has little interest in anything of substance.

Bundy and his friends founded "NO MA'AM," the "National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood". Its purpose is to fight the increasing power of women all over society. His presidency of NO MA'AM is his outlet of his talents as an orator, indeed in a speech at Speaker's Corner in London, he attracted a large audience after he expressed his opinions on the French and women.

Since there was no final episode special to make an epilogue, it's unknown what would happen to Al in the end. However, his guardian angel (played by the late Sam Kinison in the episode It's a Bundyful Life Part 2) accidentally mentions that at age 60 his stomach gets so ulcer-ridden that he dies from all the stress of living his life.

Politically, Al appears to be a conservative. He is known for being fiercely patriotic (he flaunts his American citizenship as a source of pride when he goes to England ) , expresses deep affection for John Wayne (he cites Hondo as his all time favorite movie), often picks fights with his feminist neighbor Marcy, and revealed his admiration of President Dwight Eisenhower on a number of occasions.

Jobs held by Al Bundy

  • Shoe Salesman
  • Kelly's agent
  • Garbage Man
  • Fast Food Employee
  • Department Store Santa
  • "Elfineer"- an elf engineer at the mall's Christmas train ride.
  • Gas Station Attendant
  • Male Erotic Dancer at a Women's Bar
  • Founder of NO MA'AM
  • Security Guard of Polk High
  • NO MA'AM President
  • Calendar model
  • Policeman on COPS
  • National Guardsman
  • Hotel Bellhop
  • Can Man
  • Reverend and leader of the Church of NO MA'AM ("Reverend Al," episode 10x04)
  • Baseball player on the Chicago Cleavage during the baseball strike (wore #38DD)
  • Burger trek
  • Janitor
  • Detective
  • Psychic a.k.a. Mademe Zelda
  • Director of "Sheos"
  • Actor in Kelly's performance of Phantom of the Opera and star of "A Day in the life of a Shoe Salesmen"
  • Visionary/Prophet behind "the shoes of God"
  • Telephone operator dedicated to providing shoe advice.

Al Bundy Famous Quotes

  • No, Peg
  • No can do
  • Let's rock.
  • Go away, Peg.
  • A fat woman came into the shoestore today...
  • I'm the only guy in the world who has to wake up to have a nightmare.
  • A man's home is his coffin.
  • Women - can't live with them.... The End.
  • Women - can't live with them, can't herd them all to Canada.
  • Women - can't live with them...can't kill them
  • Entertainment for the cave man was simple: Man kills food, woman burns it, giant pterodactyl swoops down, chases woman, woman falls in mud. A good laugh is had by all.
  • Peg, I suspect your mind, much like the lost continent of Atlantis, no longer appears on any map.
  • I hate life, life hates me.
  • I'm so upset I can hardly eat this sandwich! (Eats sandwich anyway)
  • I'm so hungry I could eat a vegetable!
  • I feel so good--I'm almost happy.
  • Am I truly nothing? Could the neighborhood children be right?
  • Now wait a second. My pretty teenage daughter--with the brain of a fruit-fly--earned a thousand dollars in three nights... should I be worried?
  • The only power I sensed was that of the mighty forces unleashed by beans!
  • Ok, here's another idea. Let's toss this in the oven and see if it bakes. There's a shoe-salesman in the 23rd century. It's called Shoe Trek.
  • Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs, you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex, but there's no way on earth you can make me get a second job.
  • The opera isn't over until the last heterosexual falls asleep.
  • The last thing a guy wants to look at the end of the day is a woman.
  • Well, it looks like something that could come from the Colonel, but the legs have been picked clean and there are no breasts. (Describing Marcy's figure)
  • How about if I get my gun and shoot you with a nice silver bullet?
  • Back then mother meant cooking but then, gay meant happy.
  • Why doesn't the world die?
  • I was driving home, God knows why...
  • I hate my life. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the wife in the backyard.
  • Peg, feed me, or feed me TO something: I just want to be part of the food chain. (from "The Dance Show" episode)
  • It's only cheating if you get caught.
  • Sure selling shoes is fun. But behind the glamour, it's like any other minimum wage slow death.
  • Damn, does my life suck!
  • But Peg, we've been married for seventeen years - can't we just be friends?
  • Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.
  • Peg, can you explain to her the difference between expend and earning? Who I am asking to, of course you can't !
  • So you think I'm a loser? Because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no upholstery, no gas, and six more payments. To fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thougth I would. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what he wanted to be, is out there, being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun in my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!
  • Home sweet hell.
  • Just say no to marriage
  • I wish the world was a fly and that I was a giant newspaper
  • Hooters, hooters, yum, yum, yum. Hooters, hooters on a girl that's dumb.
  • If god want woman to play ball. He would've made them man.
  • A man's home is his coffin.

Al Bundy's verbal exchanges with people around him

= Peg : You haven't been very nice to my family.

Al : Neither has nature, go bother it!

= Marcy : I am Marcy D'Arcy here on behalf of the Coalition for the Aesthetically Challenged.

Al : Challenged? I'd say defeated, exiled and left for dead!

= Peg : Ooh baby! Is that a nightstick or are you just happy to see me?

Al : It's a nightstick, Peg, and I'm not afraid to use it!

= Al : Have I told you today, I love you Peg.

Peg : Why, no Al.

Al : Good!

= Al : Any last words, punk?

Teenage gang leader : Yeah, your wife's good in bed!

Al : So you're a liar, too!

(Al and Bud proceed to beat up the entire street gang)

= Peg: Al, I want sex.

Al: Well, so do I. But I don't see the need to bring you into it.

= Marcy [Sitting naked in her hot tub]: Al Bundy, what do you think you're doing?

Al: Going blind if you stand up!

= Peg: Did you miss me?

Al: With every bullet, so far.

= Kid: I want my mommy!

Al: So does your dad's brother.

= Peg: Al are you gonna miss me?

Al: Well I can't until you leave.

= Roulette Dealer: I like a man whose is on top of things.

Al: And I like a woman with things on top

= Marcy (To Jefferson): Jefferson, you'd never cheat on me with someone who's pretty and young, would you?

Al: Yeah, why go out for a nice, succulent steak when you've got a dried-up stick of beef jerky at home?

= Peg: You look like Tarzan... if he were old and gay.

Al: Well Peg, if you were Jane, believe me he would be.

= Pizza Delivery Guy (after being caught with Kelly on the couch): So how about my tip?

Al (leading him towards the door): Ok, here's a tip

Al (slamming him against the door): Doors are hard.

= To Marcy: Let me explain something to you.

Marcy: What?

Al: buck buck buck buck buck buck buck buck...

= Marcy: We're about to celebrate a new addition to our family.

Al: Then shouldn't you be at home, sitting on it and waiting for it to hatch?

= Ray-Ray: What is it with you, Bundy? Still not getting enough curve in your diet? I mean, we knock you around, you come back. Why? Why do you do it?

Al: For the same reason men climb mountains or sail across the sea alone. For the only reason that a rational man would do an irrational thing like this.

Ray-Ray: Pride.

Al: No, women. I'm a moron, Ray-Ray. We're all morons. That's what comes from being a man. From the first little worm they dare us to eat to the last big shovel full of snow they convince us we can move, we're nothing more to women than an amusement park ride with life insurance. Why else would we do the idiotic things that we do? For example, you ski?

Ray-Ray: No.

Al: Well, you will someday if a girl wants you to. We all will. We'd hurdle down the mountain so fast that the crack of our bodies hitting the tree wouldn't even resonate in their ears before we'd pounce up and say 'I'm OK.' They know were not OK. Hell, even if they miss that pair of squirrels running away with our hacky sacks, one glance down at the color of the snow would hint that there might be some trauma. And we’ve all been to the weight room when a pretty girl walks by and said to ourselves “Gee I think I’ll start today’s warm up bench pressing oh, nine tons. So, you see Ray-Ray, as long as there’s women, there’ll be men around doing stupid things to impress them. That’s why I’m here. That’s why you’re here. That’s why they're here. Now, someday, you may evolve beyond this, but it’s too late for me. I’m too old, too married, and lost far too many hackysacks.

= Steve (As Rubio the Cruel): I was taught how to fight in the finest schools in Europe.

Al (As Captain Courage): Yeah, well I learned to fight on the street.

= Marcy : Al, have you seen a man?

Al : No, but I've seen a woman who can make one sterile.

= Fat Woman: You dare say that to my face!

Al: Well I'd say it behind your back but my car's only got a half-a-tank of gas!

See also

External links

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