"Two Tonys" is the fifty-third episode of the HBO original series The Sopranos and was the first of the show's fifth season. It was written by David Chase and Terence Winter, directed by Tim Van Patten and originally aired on Sunday March 7 2004.
Tony is very excited about his cousin being released and is planning a lavish party when he arrives home.
During a meal with Tony, Uncle Junior and Bobby Bacala, the highly respected and now free Feech chats up and entertains the others. He also voices his interest in returning to work, something Tony and Junior appear to take into consideration.
One evening, while A.J. is in the backyard retrieving a vacuum cleaner, he discovers a large American Black Bear and petrified with fear calls for his mother for help despite it not making any threatening moves, it even seems to ignore him as a piece of patio furniture breaks under its weight. Carmela manages to shoo the bear away by banging two pots together. She calls the police who in turn call New Jersey Fish and Game. They tell Carmela that it was probably the scent of the duck feed that attracted it in the moist fall air and she should tell Tony to lock it in the garage. The next day, the bear comes back but leaves shortly after. Tony arrives at the house and expresses his concern for the welfare of Carmela and A.J. (but is unaware of the bear encounter). They are talking civilly, even friendly to each other at first. Carmela argues that Tony buys A.J. too many gifts since he feels guilty about the separation, including a drum set A.J. now loudly practices on. During this argument the bear incident is brought up to Tony's surprise. Apparently A.J. didn't mention it to him when they were out together the previous day. As they further argue it is revealed that Tony was calling Italy and threatening Furio's life to all that would listen. Tony tasks Benny Fazio and Little Paulie Germani to guard the backyard in case the bear returns, although Carmela is reluctant to the idea.
Meanwhile, Christopher Moltisanti and Paulie Walnuts have a feud when the former embarrasses the latter in front of the capos with the "Pine Barrens" story, which had started out friendly with them revealing that nobody knows what happened to the Russian that escaped. Christopher then states, in a half joking way, that Paulie was the cause of the botched situation. Paulie takes exception to the accusation and insults Christopher, calling him "Tony's little favorite." Christopher takes offense at this and a fight almost ensues. Later, at comàre night, after Adriana had pointed out earlier that he is always being saddled with the checks, Christopher forces Paulie to pay for the dinner, having refused to do so himself. At Satriale's the following morning, Paulie demands that Christopher pay him the cost of the dinner or begin to pay points. Tony orders Christopher to keep paying the tabs for the dinners; it's respectful and it is a tradition. In Atlantic City, Paulie tells everyone to choose whatever they want in order to inflate the bill for Christopher. Paulie also sends over a very expensive bottle of wine to a table of unattractive women. The bill -- which amounts to over $1,000 -- is given to Christopher, who leaves the waiter $1,200: only a $16.00 tip. Paulie and Christopher continue to bicker in the parking lot. Just when they are about to come to blows the waiter comes out to confront them about his minuscule gratuity. He proceeds to call them "fucking assholes," as he turns and walks away. This causes Christopher to throw a brick at his head after the waiter turns to go back inside. The waiter is struck and collapses, convulsing on the ground. A fearful Paulie shoots him. Paulie grabs the money as they hurriedly leave in separate cars. The next day, Paulie and Christopher both agree to split the tab and "bury the hatchet."
While Tony lunches with Johnny Sack, Carmine and newly released Angelo Garepe, Carmine suffers a stroke and is rushed to St. Vincent's Hospital. Johnny soon notifies Little Carmine, who plans to leave on the next available flight from Miami, Florida. At the hospital, Johnny reminds Tony that he still has not forgotten about their sabotaged arrangement from last year, which could have averted the current situation. Johnny feigns concern for Carmine.
After watching The Prince of Tides with Valentina, Tony wants to reunite with his now estranged therapist, Dr. Melfi. He sends her flowers (along with a gallon of Tide detergent, in reference to The Prince of Tides) to her office with a calling card. When he calls her to set up a date, she tells him that she cannot go out with him due to their previous clinical relationship, feeling it is unprofessional. Tony malaprops and says he is "not undeterred" by her refusal. Tony then makes an appointment, but only to confess his love to her in person. He grabs her and kisses her passionately. She is visibly unresponsive and tells him to stop. He then leaves. Later on, with her own psychiatrist, she describes the encounter. Elliot suggests calling the police because she is dealing with a sociopath who is not used to not getting what he wants. She confesses that she at first found him sexy. Later after a group encounter session she is overseeing, Tony comes in and makes a third attempt by giving her cruise tickets; once again, she refuses. Growing irritated by defeat, Tony asks Dr. Melfi what the real reason is. She begins to explain what she deplores about him; his being gangster as a subtext, including not being respectful of women in particular and people in general, and that he uses force and the threat of force to get what he wants. As a therapist, she cannot judge her patients; however, if things were to get personal, she wouldn't be able to witness such acts. He then gives up and calls her a "fucking cunt" and walks out, leaving Dr. Melfi stunned but proving her point. Tony then returns to the Soprano residence where he relieves Benny for the night as lookout in case the bear returns, puffing on a cigar and holding an assault rifle.