Billy Staples (born Billy Hine, April 4, 1958 in East Meadow, New York) is an unemployed radio producer, comedy writer and screen actor. Billy got his start in acting in the 1996 movie Use Your Head. In 1997, Billy founded parody song company Air Sick Productions with comedian Paul Bond. Air Sick has sold song parodies to morning radio shows for some of the biggest companies in radio, as well as specialty shows, such as American Top 40 and the Rick Dees Countdown. Staples became better known as a comedian after his frequent on-air visits, accompanied by Bond, on The Opie and Anthony Show and later The Ron and Fez Show.
In 2001, Billy joined Ron and Fez as a writer, producer and phone screener. He earned the nickname "Billy Staples" from his gastric bypass (which included a stomach stapling) operation. On the air, Billy was the butt of many jokes as well as being in the middle of several controversies. In August 2002, Billy hit a low point in his career when he bombed doing stand-up comedy as the opening act for comedian Jim Norton in Red Bank, New Jersey while wearing a bright orange shirt. A review of the performance appeared on RedBank.Com and was entitled "The Orange Ball Of Failure", and as a result, Billy was often referred to by this name. A common gag during his tenure was for Fez, if a mishap ever happened in studio, to command to see "STAPLES! NOW!" This gag was an ironic gesture; it was widely regarded that, although slovenly and/or unkempt in his personal life, Billy Staples was near-flawless in his occupational abilities. On the March 10, 2003 show, Fez revealed that, despite the stapling, over the previous six months, Billy gained twenty-two pounds.
On September 16, 2002 Billy claimed that in the late 1980s while in his late 20's he molested a girl who passed out. Allegedly, the girl's brother trusted Billy to drive her home and Billy took off all of her clothes while she was semi-conscious and then proceeded to "just a little diddling." He was then called the Diddler on the Roof. On December 4, 2002 Billy recanted relevant details, indicating that he only pulled the girl's top up and exaggerated what actually happened on the air while not properly medicated. He said he was guilty only of poor judgment.
In November 2003, Billy appeared as a bus driver in an episode of the TV series Third Watch. Billy also made a mark after moving to Los Angeles by starring as the hyena in the music video for the Incubus song "Talk Shows on Mute".
Billy has since moved back to New York and appeared in the off-off-broadway production of All the Wild Horses as Fat Tony in June 2005 at the Creek Theater in Long Island City. He has also written the closing song "Oprah, the Superstar" for the off-off-broadway play Lysistrata: Revenging the Bush in October 2005 which played at the same theater. This play is now bound for an off-broadway run. Since leaving the Ron and Fez Show, Billy has appeared a few times on their XM show. In a call in 2007 to Ron and Fez, he stated he has Post-concussion syndrome due to an auto injury, and lives with his mother. On the October 6, 2008 Ron and Fez show, it was said that Billy is selling some wacky political t-shirts that he wrote.