Weekend Update has been a platform for Saturday Night Live characters to grow and gain popularity ever since Gilda Radner used it to create Emily Litella and Roseanne Roseannadanna. Many cast members have used Update as the primary vehicle for a certain character. Don Novello was featured almost exclusively on the news segment as his breakout character, Father Guido Sarducci, and Tim Kazurinsky, in the face of Eddie Murphy's overshadowing popularity, created characters almost exclusively for Update. Before becoming an anchor on Update, Colin Quinn used the segment as his main sounding board as well.

Significant characters who appeared chiefly on Weekend Update are listed here in chronological order of their first appearance on the show. Each character's write-up is followed by a list of episodes in which they appeared. The episodes also denote who the SNL news anchor was at the time (if there is no anchor listed, it was the same as the previous listing). Some Update characters don't appear here because they fit better into one of the other categories listed below.

Character Lists: Alphabetical and Chronological

Character Categories:

• TV show sketches
• Short-lived characters
• Animal sketches
• Musical sketches

Emily Litella

Emily Litella was an elderly woman with a hearing problem played by Gilda Radner in the late 1970s. She would frequently rant about topics about which she had misread or misheard, such as "Canker Research" and "Presidential Erections." (To satisfy the censors at the time, Litella was made to explicitly state that she was referring to erecting statues of presidents.) Her catchphrase was "Never mind!", said after she was informed of her mistake.

Roseanne Roseannadanna

Roseanne Roseannadanna was another character played by Gilda Radner, as a commentator on Weekend Update from 1977 to 1980. She was a brash New Yorker with a thick Brooklyn accent who would read a letter asking a series of questions, almost always by "Richard Feder of Fort Lee, New Jersey" (Fort Lee being the site of an NBC studio). While answering the questions, she would go off on a disgusting tangent--usually relating a story of seeing a celebrity doing something disgusting, or a mundane topic, such as relating a story of a hair she found on a bar of soap-- and have to be halted by anchor Jane Curtin.

Lester Crackfield

Played by Al Franken, Lester represented (as correspondent Laraine Newman put it) "the plight of the modern coal miner". He appeared only twice.

Father Guido Sarducci

Father Guido Sarducci was a chain-smoking priest with tinted eyeglasses played by Don Novello in the 1970s who worked as a gossip columnist and rock critic for L'Osservatore Romano, a Vatican newspaper.

He appeared on a number of TV shows, albums, and cartoons outside of Saturday Night Live, and also made newspaper headlines when he visited Vatican City wearing his full outfit and taking photos. Novello was arrested and charged with "impersonating a priest", but the charges were later dropped. The character first appeared in the 1970s on The Danny Finkleman Show on CBC Radio.

Chico Escuela

Chico Escuela (translation: "School Boy"), played by Garrett Morris, was the Weekend Update sports correspondent. A retired Hispanic ballplayer with limited command of the English language, he wrote the tell-all book Bad Stuff About the Mets (sample: "Tom Seaver - he once borrow Chico's soap and no give it back"). In spring training of 1979, Chico's unsuccessful comeback attempt was documented on several Update segments. The character was first introduced in a St. Mickey's Knights of Columbus sketch, but subsequently Escuela appeared solely on Update.

Typically he would be introduced by Jane Curtin, thus compelling him to say, "Thank you, Hane!" Soon would follow his standard catchphrase: "Baseball been bery, bery good to me!" Sammy Sosa, at the peak of his stardom in the late 1990s, would sometimes repeat that line as a joke, to the media, albeit in his true-to-life strong Hispanic accent.

Big Vic Ricker

Ricker, portrayed by Harry Shearer, succeeded Chico Escuela as Weekend Update's sports commentator. He was prone to speaking very fast and in a gruff voice.

Dr. Jack Badofsky

Dr. Jack Badofsky was played by Tim Kazurinsky in a series of appearances on SNL Newsbreak or Saturday Night News (the monikers for Weekend Update during the Ebersol years). The doctor would inform the audience about different strains of diseases like influenza or rabies, and each strain would be a rhyming pun (i.e. "Should you be bitten by an ownerless dog, that’s Straybies, and a foaming French poodle can give you Qu’est-ce Que-C’estbies"). Badofsky stuttered in a timid, wavering tone, indicating that he was perhaps ashamed of the horribly cheesy puns that came out of his mouth.

Episodes featuring Dr. Jack Badofsky

• March 20, 1982: anchors Brian Doyle-Murray, Mary Gross
• April 17, 1982: anchors Brian Doyle-Murray, Christine Ebersole
• May 15, 1982
• November 13, 1982: anchor Brad Hall
• December 11, 1982
• February 5, 1983
• March 12, 1983
• October 22, 1983
• December 3, 1983
• January 21, 1984
• May 12, 1984: special guest anchor Edwin Newman

Siobhan Cahill

Cahill, played by Mary Gross, commented on the Irish-American news. Though she was a recurring character, she only appeared on "Saturday Night News" once. During the 1991-92 season, SNL would have featured players by the names of Siobhan Fallon and Beth Cahill.

Patti Lynn Hunnsacker

Patti Lynn Hunnsacker was Saturday Night News's teenage correspondent who complained about matters concerning adolescents, such as proms and dates. She was played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Dwight MacNamara

He was a narrator for educational films played by Gary Kroeger. At times, he would imitate the warbly sound of an incorrectly-threaded film projector.

Worthington Clotman

An NBC censor played by Tim Kazurinsky. He was an uptight gentleman who wore a bow-tie and glasses. The character was based on the head NBC censor at the time, Bill Clotworthy.

Episodes featuring Worthington Clotman

• January 28, 1984: anchor Don Rickles
• February 25, 1984: anchor Edwin Newman
• May 12, 1984 in "Mayor Koch's Neighborhood": host Ed Koch

Wayne Huevos

Huevos was a suave albeit smarmy Latin-American businessman played by Tim Kazurinsky. He often appeared on "Saturday Night News" with ideas to clean up New York City.

Lew Goldman

Goldman was a stereotypical elderly Jewish man played by Billy Crystal. He was prone to commenting on his disrespectful family while doing various commentaries. He also coughed and cleared his throat frequently, due to an apparent excess of phleghm. One of his most memorable insults was: "I have coughed up things that were more interesting than you!"

Buddy Young, Jr.

Buddy Young, Jr. was a Las Vegas lounge comedian played by Billy Crystal. This is a rare example of a little known character spinning off into a feature film. Although Buddy Young, Jr. only appeared three times on SNL, he was the principal character in the 1992 film, Mr. Saturday Night.

Episodes featuring Buddy Young, Jr.

• November 3, 1984: host Michael McKean
• February 9, 1985: host Harry Anderson
• April 6, 1985: host Christopher Reeve

Nathan Thurm

This was a character created by Martin Short. A shady lawyer, Thurm was a chain-smoker, quite paranoid, and constantly in denial about his paranoia. "I'm not being defensive. You're the one who's being defensive." When questioned, his catch phrase often included, "It's so funny to me that you would think..." He would also look into the camera and express his puzzlement at the questioner by asking, "Is it me, or is it him? It's him, right?" Other times, he would deny an accusation, then immediately reverse his position when the accuser reaffirmed the statement. "No, it isn't!" ("Yes it is.") "I know that! Why wouldn't I know that? I'm well aware of that!"

Perhaps the best known appearance of Thurm was in a 1984 SNL sketch that was a send-up of 60 Minutes. Harry Shearer played Mike Wallace, accusing Thurm of being involved in corporate corruption. Thurm of course denied everything and nervously tried to turn the tables on Wallace.

Thurm was later reprised on Martin Short's short-lived talk show in 1999-2000.

Tommy Flanagan, the Pathological Liar

The Pathological Liar is a character created and portrayed by Jon Lovitz, often appearing on Weekend Update segments - and other sketches - to share his farcical views. The character's name was actually Tommy Flanagan (pronounced [flə-'nā-gən]), and he would tell outrageous whoppers in an effort to make himself seem important (such as his claim that he invented Rock and Roll). One recurring lie was claiming he was married to Morgan Fairchild. His devious look, hand rubbing and nervous speech made it clear he was making up lies, one after the other, on the spot. And if he came up with a particularly good lie he would add the catchphrase: "Yeahhh! That's the ticket!"

Frenchie

Frenchie would appear on "Weekend Update" during Dennis Miller's tenure. Jon Lovitz portrayed Frenchie dressed in stereotypical French clothes and would speak in a stereotypical French accent. When Frenchie would finish a statement on something he would add "I'm Frenchie, I'm from France!"

Babette

Mr. Subliminal

Played by Kevin Nealon, he was originally an advertising executive (named Phil Maloney) who used subliminal messages to influence people. His appearances on Update utilized the subliminal technique (i.e. saying things rapidly and under his breath, in between sentences) to reveal what he is really thinking. For example, in an editorial on the 1994 caning of Michael Fay, he stated that:

"...the boy admitted to spray painting cars but he's only eighteen and young people often do stupid and impulsive things they later regret Shannen Doherty. I happen to think [pause] that everyone's entitled to one mistake Euro Disney. And I'm not saying there aren't [pause] those who I'd love to see get a good flogging Urkel, it's just that [pause] I'm afraid we've become so insensitive that we've learned to accept the idea of a man's beating in public Pee Wee Herman."

A Grumpy Old Man

Portrayed by Dana Carvey, he was an embittered archetypical grandfather figure with white hair, glasses, and a sour sneer. He would usually appear as a commentator complaining about the state of the world, mainly in regard to many modern conveniences. His complaints always included differences between today and "his day" ("In my day, we didn't have safety standards for toys. We got rusty nails and big bags of broken glass! That's the way it was, and we liked it! We loved it!" or, "In my day we didn't have hair dryers, if you wanted to blow-dry your hair, you had to step outside in the middle of a hurricane! You would get your hair dried but you would also get a sharp piece of wood driven clean through your skull--'Look, I'm a human head kebab!'--that's the way it was and we liked it, we loved it! ").

Annoying Man

Portrayed by Jon Lovitz, he spoke in a high-pitched nasal voice and did annoying things in front of Weekend Update's Dennis Miller, such as chewing with his mouth open, or scratching a fork across a slate chalkboard. These sketches often ended with Lovitz saying something in a calm, cultured, refined tone, i.e., "You don't have to yell," or "I love you."

Hollywood Minute

Hollywood Minute featured cast member David Spade making fun of celebrities. Many of his comments were considered to be controversial, and sometimes received mixed responses. For example, in the 1995 episode hosted by David Grier, Spade derided former castmember Eddie Murphy saying, "Look, kids, it's a falling star! Make a wish!" However, Spade received his comeuppance after mocking frequent host Steve Martin. Also in 1995, in an episode hosted by Teri Hatcher, Spade and Hatcher switched roles.

In 2005, David Spade got his own show on Comedy Central called The Showbiz Show with David Spade. This show is essentially the same as his SNL features about celebrities, extended to a half-hour format.

Queen Shenequa

Queen Shenequa was played by Ellen Cleghorne.

Jan Brady

The middle sister from The Brady Bunch, she was portrayed by Melanie Hutsell. She would usually begin a commentary on a subject, which devolved into a comparison to something that happened on one of the Brady Bunch episodes and her frustration with her siblings who get more attention. Her catchphrase was "Marcia, Marcia, MARCIA!", referring to her older sister, as well as a catchphrase from the popular TV series.

Cajun Man

Adam Sandler portrayed a man from Cajun country in Louisiana who dressed like Huckleberry Finn and spoke in a heavily exaggerated Cajun French dialect. When interviewed he would simply respond with one or two word answers, all ending in the "-tion" suffix, or similar sound. For example, when asked where his girlfriend is, he would answer "long vacation" and then being asked how he occupies his time, would answer "masturbation." The character is essentially a send-up of TV chef Justin Wilson who specialized in Cajun cuisine, and would frequently enunciate the second syllable in the word "onion".

Latet, Sandler would tweak the character and give him a full length movie in The Water Boy.

Buster Jenkins

Opera Man

Adam Sandler portraying a stereotypical opera singer, singing news stories in a faux-foreign language (to which the words appeared in subtitles).

A few of his well-known verses include:

• "Amy Fisher, Buttafuoco,
  El-knock-oh, el-shoot-oh,
  In Jail-oh, no bail-oh,
  Senora, you're a whore-ah!"
• "Brad Pitt sexiest,
  People wrote-oh,
  Operaman say,
  Recount the vote-oh!" (A picture of People Magazine appears onscreen with the cover caption: Operaman: Sexiest Man Alive)
• "Tom Hanks-o, nominato,
  second time-o, you're-a great-o!
  Next year vacacion, go to France-o,
  Give someone else a freakin' chance-oh!
  (A movie poster of Billy Madison appears.)

The earlier appearances of Opera Man featured him singing a higher quantity of accurate Italian lyrics, though the subtitles showed the lyrics rather than an English translation. Jon Lovitz showed up in one episode to play his older brother just in from Italy. Opera Man also appeared in his own sketch one time where it was done up like a genuine opera, and titled "One Match Short of the Jackpot". Phil Hartman narrates, explaining to the audience that Opera Man has just filled up his car at a gas station and included a New Hampshire Lottery scratch ticket with his purchase. Opera Man gets more excited as every box he scratches off reveal a million dollar prize, until the last one mismatches and he dejectedly says he must continue his job as a security guard for Montgomery Ward.

Opera Man also performed at the 2001 Concert for New York City.

Hank Fielding

Hank Fielding was a commentator played by Robert Smigel who provided the "Moron's Perspective". He appeared to be an average commentator, but his speech was indicative that he was extremely slow, and that he clearly had a difficulty discerning fantasy from reality. In one appearance, he commented on President Bill Clinton's State of the Union Address, complaining that his overly-long speech pre-empted other shows like Jake and the Fat Man, making actor William Conrad wait nervously backstage as the President "rambled on". His appearance was supplemented by an extremely slow scrawling of his signature across the screen.

Bennett Brauer

Bennett Brauer was played by Chris Farley. In each appearance, Brauer provided commentary for Kevin Nealon's Weekend Update, vividly describing his poor hygiene, his lack of social grace, and his anger towards the viewers for preferring other photogenic commentators to him. Brauer would make regular use of finger quotes to emphasize every point he made. For example:

Maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygenic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I have no "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely".

In one instance, Brauer was made to fly (via cables), although a technical glitch delayed the ascent, thereby creating one of SNL's most famous bloopers. As Kevin Nealon tries to get the cables untangled, Brauer exclaims, "I have a weight problem! Can't they lift me?" Brauer is then lifted high above a cheering audience in a manner akin to Peter Pan. Kevin Nealon then continues the Weekend Update and the closing music is playing when a loud crash is heard. The cable has broken and a disheveled Bennett emerges from the counter; which has been damaged by his fall.

Episodes featuring Bennett Brauer

• April 10, 1993: anchor Kevin Nealon
• May 15, 1993
• March 13, 1994

The British Fops

The British Fops, or Lucien Callow (David Koechner) and Fagan (Mark McKinney) appeared in several episodes during the SNL 1995-1996 seasons. The characters first appeared on Weekend Update, but later appeared in several other sketches, namely monologues. The Fops would appear in late Restoration period clothing, and used a silly take on the period's language, mannerisms, and culture, not sparing the subsequent perversion also known for the time. As part of their bit, the fops would famously appear "bare ass naked," as they put it, but of course still wearing the wigs.

Joe Blow

Joe Blow was played by Colin Quinn. A blue collar worker by trade, Blow came onto Weekend Update as a New York public service to deliver local news from Brooklyn, New York. Most of his "news" included family problems and neighborhood gossip. Joe Blow regularly concluded his commentary by asking anchor Norm Macdonald if he would join him for "a beer", which MacDonald (who clearly did not want to socialize with him) would avoid by making up an excuse, or putting it off until a later date.

Lenny the Lion

Visiting from the Bronx Zoo, Lenny the Lion (Colin Quinn in a lion suit) would come onto Weekend Update to talk about the plight of the animals, all of which had parallel problems to real life issues going on in The Bronx. Lenny would always end his rant with the line "Fur is murder". The character was very similar to "Joe Blow".

Gary MacDonald

Gary MacDonald was the fictitious younger brother of anchor Norm Macdonald. Played by David Koechner, he was supposed to be the funnier of the two MacDonald brothers, but would be overcome by fear and freeze on camera and end nearly everything he said with "no". Because of this, his commentary consisted of choppy, nervously-delivered lines such as, "Hey, Janet Reno. Hey, how does that song go, '(Dude) Looks Like A Lady,' no."

Cinder Calhoun

Portrayed by Ana Gasteyer, Calhoun was the kind of female guitar-playing, femme-power person one would find playing at Lilith Fair. In at least one episode she is introduced as the warm-up comic from the festival. Ultra-PC, she would go out of her way to pronounce ethnic-named cities in their native dialect. She professed her love for Garth Brooks in a song entitled "Adonis in Blue Jeans" when he hosted the show. On a Christmas episode she sang a song called "Christmas Chainsaw Massacre", referring to the "senseless cutting down of innocent trees for our twisted holiday pleasure". She also performed a song called "Basted in Blood" alongside Sarah McLachlan, in mockery of Fiona Apple's criticism of Butterball Turkey for having a 1-800 number featuring Thanksgiving recipes, about the plight of turkeys for a Thanksgiving broadcast.

Dominican Lou

Dominican Lou, played by Tracy Morgan, is the building super at 1901 Burnside Avenue in The Bronx. On Weekend Update in 1998 he attempted to sell Colin Quinn the signed 62nd home run ball of his fellow countryman Sammy Sosa for a million dollars, even though it was later discovered to be a foul ball hit by Gary Gaetti and signed Dominican Lou.

He also did the weather report on Good Morning, Bronx.

Gunner Olsen

Played by Jim Breuer, Olsen recapped the night's news in the style of a lead singer in a Heavy metal band.

Jacob Silj

Jacob Silj was a Will Ferrell character who suffered from 'Voice Immodulation Syndrome', a disease which makes him unable to control the volume or inflection of his voice. Jacob begins each segment by reporting on a news item totally unrelated to Voice Immodulation Syndrome, but inevitably gets interrupted by the Weekend Update anchor, who can't stand his loud, relentless monotone. Silj then begins to educate the anchor on Voice Immodulation Syndrome, and describe situations that make the disease particularly unbearable (like praying in church, or soothing a baby to sleep). Depending on which of Silj's segments you believe, the disease affects either 700 or 6 people each year and is apparently caused by a late birth and exposure to gold dust.

Episodes featuring Jacob Silj

• December 4, 1999: anchor Colin Quinn
• April 8, 2000
• January 20, 2001: anchors Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
• April 14, 2001

Jasper Hahn

Portrayed by Horatio Sanz, Jasper Hahn was touted as an illustrator for children's books. During his appearance, he would begin drawing what would initially be perceived as something phallic. Colin Quinn, and later Jimmy Fallon, would bristle and try to stop him, but the drawing would usually end up as a moose or other animal with a phallic-shaped nose or proboscis.

Comedienne Jeannie Darcy

An uninspired stand up comedienne with a mullet played by Molly Shannon. At the end of each bit, Jeannie Darcy would use the catchphrase: "Don't get me started, don't even get me started."

Gay Hitler

Gay Hitler (Chris Kattan) was a character loosely based on a theory described in German historian Lothar Machtan's book The Hidden Hitler (ISBN 0-465-04309-7), which attempts to prove that Adolf Hitler was a homosexual. The Gay Hitler character was known for the catchphrase "Sprechen Sie Dick?" Gay Hitler was the author of the fictional autobiography Mein Boyfriend, a satire of Hitler's actual autobiography Mein Kampf. Gay Hitler also appeared as Speed Skating Hitler, rendering the Sieg Heil salute repeatedly as he skated in place. This section is likely inspired by the "Hitler on Ice" preview at the end of History of the World, Part I.

Episodes featuring Gay Hitler

• October 13, 2001: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
• February 2, 2002: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
• May 18, 2002: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
• January 11, 2003: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey

Drunk Girl

Drunk Girl was played by Jeff Richards between 2001 and 2003. Her eyes are always squinted shut and she has shoulder-length blonde hair, and often a bared midriff.

Drunk Girl tends to do certain things while drunk:

• tells people to "shut up!", whether they have actually said anything or not
• asks people if they want to know something repeatedly, even after they say no, slurring the words more and more as she repeats the phrase. (During the Weekend Update Halftime Special, even though Jimmy Fallon said he wanted to know, she continued to repeat the phrase anyway.)
• bursts into tears for no reason
• acts sexually promiscuous; also takes off her bra and/or lets something inappropriate, such as food, fall out of it in later episodes
• falls out of chairs frequently in later episodes

Episodes featuring Drunk Girl

Airdate	Host	Overview
December 8, 2001	Hugh Jackman	Drunk Girl hates/loves Jimmy Fallon. She purports to know a little Spanish: "Como te llama? That means hi."
March 9, 2002	Jon Stewart	Drunk Girl talks about Spring Break. She is an expert, because she has been going since she was twelve, so she is an expert on Spring break. She discusses safety with Tina Fey, saying "come at me." When Tina gives her a small smack, Drunk Girl bursts into tears. Drunk Girl also hits on Tina, who refuses to kiss her.
April 13, 2002	The Rock	The only appearance of Drunk Girl outside of Weekend Update, she breaks into SNL Studios with her friend Pamm (The Rock), and is discovered by Seth Meyers. It is established that Tracy Morgan let them in. It was immediately done after the Rock had finished a sketch lampooning The Scorpion King, and the same set was still used to make it appear like Drunk Girl and her friend are actually trespassing on the SNL stage.
May 18, 2002	Winona Ryder	Will Ferrell as Neil Diamond sings a song, and invites characters on stage. Drunk Girl joins Darrell Hammond as Geraldo Rivera, Chris Kattan as Gay Hitler and the 'real' Neil Diamond.
November 16, 2002	Brittany Murphy	Drunk Girl discusses a study about red wine. Drinking 21 glasses a week is supposed to make one's memory better, but all Drunk Girl can remember is throwing up in her own hair.
January 26, 2003	no guest -- Weekend Update Halftime Special	Drunk Girl discusses her new favorite drinking game: "I take a Jello shot every time I see a Jello shot." She also says she's a role model because her breasts are real. (This is the first episode in which Drunk Girl loses her bra.)
April 5, 2003	Bernie Mac	Drunk Girl attends Spring Break again. This time, she has a dalliance with Javier, 56, who apparently treats his grandchildren well. Only one half of Drunk Girl's body is tan/burned.
May 17, 2003	Dan Aykroyd	Drunk Girl mistakes the Update desk for a tanning booth and proclaims she will make out with Don Pardo after the show. She flashes Jimmy Fallon, who is rather disgusted, and says that "one day I'm going to use these to feed our babies."
November 1, 2003	Kelly Ripa	Drunk Girl shows up in her Halloween costume as Catwoman because all her other outfits were being used as evidence. She shares the M&Ms in her catsuit with Jimmy Fallon, although one of them's not an M&M.

Fericito

Fericito is a character from Saturday Night Live played by Fred Armisen. A Venezuelan nightclub comedian, he premiered in the October 5, 2002 episode in Weekend Update. He has appeared on SNL seven times so far, most notably on ¡Show Biz Grande Explosion!, a sketch vehicle launched to feature his character.

Episodes featuring Fericito

• October 5, 2002: host Matt Damon
• October 19, 2002, in host John McCain's monologue
• March 15, 2003: host Salma Hayek
• March 6, 2004: host Colin Firth
• May 8, 2004: host Snoop Dogg
• December 11, 2004: host Colin Farrell
• October 8, 2005: host Jon Heder

Tim Calhoun

Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) has made eight appearances between 2002 and 2008, seven of which were on Weekend Update. Calhoun is a soft-spoken political candidate with slicked back hair, a slight Southern drawl, and many unconventional ideas. Calhoun is also a career criminal with many arrests, which he often inadvertently mentions. Constantly nervous and fidgety, Calhoun reads his speeches from index cards which he stacks neatly on the table as he finishes each one. His voice is exaggeratedly slow and deliberate, hardly rising above a whisper.

An Independent, he first appeared on Weekend Update under the equal time doctrine when John McCain hosted.

Episodes featuring Tim Calhoun

• October 19, 2002: anchors: Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
• January 18, 2003: anchors: Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
• November 8, 2003: anchors: Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
• March 6, 2004 in "Tim Calhoun on Trial": host Colin Firth. This was the only time that Tim Calhoun appeared in a sketch outside of Weekend Update.
• October 8, 2005: anchors: Amy Poehler, Horatio Sanz
• October 28, 2006: anchors: Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers
• March 24, 2007: anchors: Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers
• March 8, 2008: anchors: Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers
• April 12, 2008: anchors: Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers

Quotations

• "I love whales. But they have to go. So I'm going to organize a whaling party that will not stop until all whales are dead." (October 19, 2002)
• "I am not married, so my sexual history is not relevant...but if you must know, I have some babies. Mainly by black ladies. But some by white. And a China-baby." (October 19, 2002)
• "When’s there going to be a China person on the Supreme Court? I propose.. never." (January 18. 2003)
• "I propose a little more California, and a little less Mexico." (January 18. 2003)
• "My candidacy is based on honesty, so there are a few things about me you should know. I've been in jail. It's not important how many times, but if you must know...I'd say...one, two, thirty-one times. There are times when I'm not gay at all. But then there are other times I'm so gay it more than makes up for it." (November 8, 2003)
• "I think burning the flag is wrong, but undercooking the flag is even worse...I have no past experience as a judge, but I have served as my own lawyer on several occasions. All of them turned out really bad." (October 8, 2005)
• "I have little experience in a courtroom, but I did once work in a food court." (October 8, 2005)
• "I have touched many pages in my life [Ref: Mark Foley scandal]... because I am a voracious reader... of child pornography... studies. Illustrated studies." (October 28, 2006)
• "I am qualified to represent America. Because, like America, I am heavily in debt, I'm about ten percent gay, and I have a really bad gas problem." (October 28, 2006)
• "I'm glad Pluto is now a dwarf planet. It's about time we had a planet to send those little B-holes to. I propose that we make Jupiter a Mexico planet." (October 28, 2006)
• "Jack Abramoff? But I hardly know Abram." (March 24, 2007)
• "If I have to pick a side in the same-sex debate, I pick anal." (March 24, 2007)
• "I propose we start a Cow College where we teach cows how to talk. I propose we start with the word "moo" to build up their self confidence." (March 8, 2008)
• "If there's an important call at 3 in the morning, who do you want answering the phone? Some snobby jerk with an Ivy League education or a grade school educated crystal meth enthusiast who literally cannot wait to push the button?" (March 8, 2008)
• "Super Tuesday, if forced to make a choice, I'd go with soup. No offense, Tuesday." (March 8, 2008)

The Kelly Brothers

Gunther Kelly (Fred Armisen) and his brother Patrick (Will Forte) appear as experts from an impressive institution or think-tank. Called on to discuss or debate complex topics (such as tax codes or immigration), they tell the audience that they will present their information in a song, so the nuances can be better absorbed. However, their songs, while snappy and possessing humorous two-part harmonies in counterpoint, are repetitive, usually contain nothing but nonsense lyrics, and impart no information whatsoever.

On the May 6, 2006 show with Tom Hanks and Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Kelly brothers appeared on Weekend Update for a debate which turned out to be them simply singing, "Ya." Will Forte sang in an exaggeratedly high tone.

Billy Smith

Billy Smith (played by Fred Armisen) is a Native American comedian who performs stand-up in two Weekend Update episodes and one opening monologue on Saturday Night Live. His jokes usually begin as fairly average stand-up jokes (why did the chicken cross the road?), but his punchlines suddenly veer into obscure references to Native American culture. This of course only results in confusion and nervous titters from the audience, at which point Billy Smith patiently explains the cultural reference so that the audience can understand the joke.

Episodes featuring Billy Smith

• October 18, 2003: anchors Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
• February 7, 2004
• November 13, 2004, in host Liam Neeson's monologue about the negative racial stereotypes portrayed on SNL (and how Liam Neeson promised not to play an Irish stereotype)

Two Guys from a Religious Cult

The Two Guys from a Religious Cult, played by David Spade and Adam Sandler, would appear with the intention of presenting a standard news item, such as a weather report or a restaurant review. Dressed in matching sunglasses and leather vests, they start their reports with incoherent religious rants ("The long-dead rulers of the serpent kingdoms will open their maggot-encrusted eyes and emerge from their forgotten tombs at the unspeakable dawn of the sixth day to worship at the altar of the Dark Queen. YOU HAVE SEWN US INSIDE THE BELLY OF LUCIFER!") Anchorman Norm Macdonald would try to steer them back onto the subject they had come on to report, with limited success ("Service was adequate. Food was a bit pricey. ALFREDO SAUCE WAS A LITTLE TOO CREAMY!") Chris Farley once appeared as the cult leader.

Episodes featuring Two Guys from a Religious Cult

• October 15, 1994
• December 17, 1994

Jorge Rodriguez

An alleged expert on world events, Jorge Rodriguez is an aloof halfwit (played by Horatio Sanz) that constantly falls for the various hare-brained schemes of his friend Pepe. His catchphrase is "I'm looking for Pepe."

Aunt Linda

Portrayed by Kristen Wiig, Aunt Linda is Amy Poehler's fictitious aunt who bashes the latest films. Her reason for disliking the film is often something that isn't actually true, for example, she believed Happy Feet to be a live action film, and believed Ocean's Thirteen to actually be the thirteenth film in the series. She also praises films which were normally un-family friendly for example Saw III, when she praised this movie she was asked by Amy Poehler "you went to see Saw?" and Aunt Linda responded, "See it! I liked it so much I kidnapped Tobin Bell and forced him to play a game with me!".

Two Gay Guys from...

Two Gay Guys from... portrayed by Fred Armisen and Bill Hader, originally appeared as the Gay Guys from Jersey, a homosexual couple introduced to Weekend Update when the State of New Jersey legalized civil unions. They embodied many stereotypes of New Jersey residents, similar to those on The Sopranos (including hinting about Mafia connections and activities), and wore matching track suits and large gold medallions. They acted like good friends, sprinkling their conversations with reminders that they are homosexuals. In a later episode Hader and Armisen appeared as Gay Guys From Connecticut, a snobbish wealthy couple who enjoy tennis and yachting.

Roger A. Trevanti

Roger A. Trevanti, played by Fred Armisen, is a fictive television studio executive and member of the AMPTP. He appeared on Weekend Update on November 3, 2007 to comment on the impending 2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike. Although this was the last live SNL to be broadcast until the strike was over (the next new episode was on February 23, 2008), Armisen resurrected the Trevanti character independent of NBC, in order to parody the studio response to the strike. For example, in one short video posted on YouTube several weeks later (November 19, 2007) Trevanti harassed picketing writers, encouraging scabs (or strikebreakers) In a second video posted on youtube (December 6, 2007), Trevanti appeared to explain the 'groundbreaking' nature of the AMPTM's proposed new economic partnership with the Writers Guild of America. Trevanti concludes each commentary with a message to the writers: "I hope you get ass cancer and die!"

Nicholas Fehn

Nicholas Fehn is a recurring character on Weekend Update, played by Fred Armisen. Claiming to be a political comedian, he takes the top headlines from New York newspapers and offers give his own "skewed view" of them. However, he never actually manages to say anything satirical or clever, often simply shouting "C'mon!" or "No!" and sometimes "Who asked?!" His first appearance was in Season 33 of Saturday Night Live.

See also

• Recurring Saturday Night Live characters and sketches (listed alphabetically)
• Recurring Saturday Night Live characters and sketches (listed chronologically)
• Saturday Night Live TV show sketches
• Short-lived recurring characters on Saturday Night Live
• Saturday Night Live commercials

Notes

1. The original title in German is Hitlers Geheimnis (Hitler's Secret).

References

• The SNL Archives
• Drunk Girl on a Jeff Richards fan site