Ghastly Comic

Ghastly's Ghastly Comic

Ghastly's Ghastly Comic is a webcomic by Chris Cracknell, A.K.A. "Ghastly" or "Uncle Ghastly", dealing with anime fetish and paraphilias. One of the most notable themes is tentacle rape, as the subtitle of the comic is "Tentacle Monsters and the Women Who Love Them".

In July, 2006, the author suddenly announced that the comic was indefinitely suspended, later clarifying that this was due to a serious illness. The comic is currently on an artist-imposed hiatus.


The plot begins with two tentacle monsters (their origins are not specified), Glemph and Nort, who hang around in a Canadian bar, "The Spanked Monkey". As it progresses they meet several people who have trouble fitting into normal society because of their deviant behaviour or sexual preferences.


Glemph: The blue tentacle monster. He has high moral standards and is easily offended by bestiality, brutality, or stereotypes. Glemph refuses to have sexual intercourse with a human, considering such behavior bestiality. He sees monsters like Nort as giving his race a bad reputation.

Nort: The green big-eyebrowed tentacle monster. More perverted than Glemph, he is often sex-starved and likes to have fun with human girls, despite criticism from his friend Glemph.

Kiki: A beautiful and gentle dark-haired woman. Her sexual fantasy is tentacle rape. She has a particular liking for Glemph, who rejects her advances. In default, she tries to get sex from any tentacle monster she finds attractive, such as Tentaclax. Her endeavours usually end in failure.

Chibi Sue: Chibi Sue appears to be a very young blonde schoolgirl in a Japanese sailor outfit. She is actually a 36-year old woman stuck in a chibi's body, complete with mitten-like hands. She has trouble finding acceptable sexual partners, as looking like a very young child, she only attracts pedophiles that creep her out (though she seems to consider anyone who is interested in her a pedophile, such as when she demanded Hammer tell her she is sexy). Though appearing innocent, she can sometimes have a downright evil mind. She is currently dating a large dildo manufactured from the "Goodbye Pussy" company. She is close friends with her bartender, Hammer.

Fnanp: A teenage boy who is extremely fond of Dungeons & Dragons and other RPGs. Always dressed as a wizard and wearing big glasses, he has tried to invoke "for real" Great Cthulhu, only to discover the "Great Old One" is really still a harmless, if loud, baby. Worse, he's been stuck with the job of babysitting "Li'l Cuthy." The name "Fnanp" is an acronym for "Flakey New-Age Neo-Pagan."

Hammer: The bartender and owner of the bar "The Spanked Monkey." He is a large and hefty man, tough on the outside, but with a soft and creamy center. His policy as a bartender is to be tolerant towards all customers, except for those who are obnoxious (such as Bunny Boy and Chick Boy). His past is shrouded in mystery; he has held jobs ranging from cowboy to homicide detective. Strips which showcase events from Hammer's past always seems to involve a young man named Clem who is continually masturbating, while Hammer tells him "Clem, if you don't [quit masturbating], you can't be on our [team] anymore." He is particularly close to Chibi Sue, but the two are "just friends."

Freddy: A redheaded futanari otaku and non-operative transsexual, though with a female personality. She is always cheerful, constantly speaking in a babble of random quasi-Japanese ("otaku-ese"). Dressed as a Japanese schoolgirl, Freddy is also obsessed with sex (particularly sodomy) and takes any opportunity to play around with her penis, which makes her "genki" ("cheerful"). Though crazy-minded, Freddy is very tender and friendly with people, often to their dismay. As Ghastly has noted, Freddy is completely comfortable and happy with herself and whatever situation she finds herself in. She occasionally "draws" guest strips.

Smokey: A "father-knows-best" middle-aged man who perpetually smokes a pipe. He acts like a normal family man and seems very respectable, although his fatherly advice is often mixed with sexual innuendo. He often looks after Peep, Glemph's nephew, and sometimes has sex (usually accidentally) with unusual women like Freddy and Zsa Zsa. Experience with Freddy made him very afraid of stumbling into another futanari, but even though he takes precautions, he is still often a victim of this running gag.

Peep: Glemph's nephew. He is a short and innocent little tentacle monster child. He knew nothing about tentacle rape when propositioned by Chibi Sue (who thought he was a "mature" chibi too), and learned the phrase from her. When he asked his uncle Glemph about "Tentacoo wape," Glemph raised his tentacles in the air and froze in a horrified expression, leading Peep to believe that "tentacoo wape" is a game involving adopting such an expression. Peep sometimes stays at Smokey's house, where he found a box of Smokey's old sex toys. Peep now often pretends he's an imaginary crime-fighting ninja called "Zipper Ninja" (because he wears a Gimp mask) with a green-haired kunoichi, "Muchi-san" (a blow up doll, called so because she wields a whip), using the other sex toys as crime-fighting props.

Brewster "Da Funk" Bombe: An African American Blaxploitation film star from the 1970s, and also the last man on the planet with pubic hair (until he accidentally shaved it off). He is a party-goer and enjoys picking up girls. Alas for him, the only girl he has managed to "get down" with so far has been Freddy.

Hentai Guy: A young Japanese man, he is a spoof of the protagonists of hentai games, who very often have black hair obscuring their faces and penises shown as transparent. Hentai Guy is noticeable for having a literally invisible penis, which allows him to harass women secretly.

Zsa Zsa: A young white-haired woman with a vague, indistinct Eastern European accent, Zsa Zsa is a bisexual dominatrix always dressed in purple leather and wielding a whip. She loves BDSM and enjoys whipping Smokey or Drunk and Bitter Jesus. Her sidekick is Gimp Girl.

Gimp Girl: A blonde woman perpetually dressed/confined in a green leather gimp suit. She is an extreme submissive and is typically seen with Zsa Zsa, her dominatrix. Her speech is always rendered in emoticons.

Drunk and Bitter Jesus: Jesus himself appears in the comic. He is back from the dead, but after having been nailed and persecuted, he has become drunk and bitter and hangs out in The Spanked Monkey, often giving out cynical philosophy to the other patrons. Drunk and Bitter Jesus is one of the most popular characters in the comic and he got the top score of a voting contest.

Aryan Jesus: A relatively cheerful, aryan (blonde and blue-eyed) version of Jesus, who caused the comic to lose advertisers after he was depicted conducting missionary position sex for the purpose of procreation. Ironically, this happened after the sponsors had happily supported all the other things featured in the comic for three years.

Jihad Jesus: The jihad version of Jesus is possibly, in part, a referential statement on the perceived internal conflict and warlike tendencies of the religious right. He's drawn wild-eyed in robes of army green with an AK-47 assault rifle, a bandolier of ammo, and a World War II vintage helmet. He speaks with a bad stutter, and his vile and violent thoughts are punctuated with bursts of profanity.

Bishounen Buddha: A blue haired, bishōnen version of Buddha. He was introduced into the strip after Cosplay Girl decided to switch from Christianity to Buddhism, because Buddha "won't laugh at [her] no matter how many cocks are in [her] ass." Bishounen Buddha's reply to the statement is that he has no idea what she is talking about. Bishounen Buddha seems to be fairly well adjusted, and does his best to bring enlightenment to Cosplay Girl, although at one point he did suggest that she worship Fat Buddha instead.

F'Ga: A pink one-eyed tentacle monster. He's "here, queer, singing showtunes in your ear." He is currently in a committed relationship with a human named Bobby. He's also Glemph's cousin. Glemph has no problems with his sexual orientation, but disapproves of his interspecies relationship.

Bobby: F'Ga's human boyfriend, who is much more masculine. He could be called 'straight-acting', though like many homosexuals he finds the term somewhat offensive. He harbors a secret appreciation for yaoi.

Chick Boy: An extreme-right religious fundamentalist who forcefully distributes Chick Tracts. Chick Boy only desires to convert those around him to the joy which is hating people for Jesus. He preaches against homosexuality and deviance. Because of this, he got kicked out of The Spanked Monkey by Hammer, after which he was seduced by Freddy, who took his name to have a slightly different meaning. The two have since become something of an item, despite their large differences. Most of Chick Boy's recent appearances focus on his attempts to reconcile his religious beliefs with his attraction to Freddy.

Bunny Boy: Bunny Boy is a crazy but proud boy who is into furries, dressing into a fuzzy rabbit costume. He enjoys shocking people with his sexual antics, but then complains of being "oppressed" when people express their disgust. According to Ghastly, he is the only character to ever generate hate mail.

Kwerki: A very odd and possibly quite deeply disturbed young woman, who wears nothing but an oversized, stretched sweater, workboots, and a blank stare. She is often heard philosophizing about sex to anyone who will listen... And often enough to those who'd rather not. She frequently employs the use of a strap-on dildo to have anal sex with men.

Cosplay Girl: A girl who cosplays in a hybrid anime suit. However, she does not do it just for fun: cosplaying is part of her everyday life and what she really wants is to get attention from those around her. Unfortunately for those taken in by her revealing costume, she is "more about the cock-teasing than the cock-pleasing". When she expresses her distress, she can be very talkative.

Tentaclax: A tentacle demon lord who was banished from hell and who walks the Earth until he can prove himself as a demon by losing his virginity. Though he seems large and imposing, he is very shy and has trouble approaching girls to rape them.

Dildy: The "sponsor" of GGC, Dildy (a talking dildo with a cartooney face and hands) appears in occasional strips which parody advertisements for children's toys.

Michiko Amano: A typical anime Japanese schoolgirl who is shown inside tentacle monster fantasies or imaginary stories during the comic.

Shirt Guy Xom: A parody of Shirt Guys Tom and Dom from Sluggy Freelance and Megatokyo, respectively, Xom is a fourth wall-breaking stick figure character who appears in some filler strips. He shares an adversarial relationship with Ghastly himself.


Chris Cracknell (born September 13, 1965) is a musician and webcartoonist, best known for this comic. His other endeavour is the band Science Ninja Big Ten, FKA Big Fake Heart Attack. He is a resident of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.

Google Seppuku

Google Seppuku is a game and internet meme that first made its appearance on Ghastly's Ghastly Comic. The game consists of going onto the Google search engine, and using a special language tool to type random Japanese characters into the image search box, and searching. The number of points you get is dependent on how many different images you view before you see an image so disturbing, you wish you never played the game. The actual name of the game comes from the Japanese word seppuku describing the act of disemboweling oneself as part of ritual suicide.


  • One running gag throughout the comic is about a "sad girl in snow" which is a reference to Ghastly's old drawings mocking Piro of Megatokyo, since he spoofed it in an episode where he revealed he was a girl.
  • Freddy is based on old pornographic drawings by Ghastly of James from Pokémon, where he was cross-dressing.
  • A parody lyric from the comic, If I Were A Cat-Girl, which was a parody of If I Were A Rich Man from Fiddler on the Roof, provided the inspiration for comedy music artist DJ Particle to take Gwen Stefani's derivative hit Rich Girl and parody it into the equally-derivative Cat-Girl, which appears on her debut album Shiny Round Thing Inside. Though the two parody songs only share common lyrics in the first half of the chorus, they both talk about the benefits of being an anime cat-girl. The webcomic version was "sung" by Freddy and Cosplay Girl.
  • Chris Cracknell appeared as a guest on Operation BSU, a live call-in interactive podcast show, speaking about the comic and his band, Science Ninja Big Ten.

External links

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