Fun with Safety

Fun with Veal

"Fun with Veal" is episode 605 of the Comedy Central series South Park. It was originally broadcast on March 27, 2002.


Ms. Choksondik's fourth grade class goes on a field trip to a farm, where they discover that veal is made of baby cows. The boys are horrified (except Cartman, who joyously claims that they look so delicious and juicy), and decide to save the calves from becoming veal. Stan, Kyle, and Butters convince Cartman to help them rescue the calves and bring them to Stan's house. When they are discovered by their parents, the boys barricade the door until they are promised the calves will be safe.

The situation quickly escalates into a standoff between the boys (who are declared terrorists), and the police. The boys outwit an incompetent FBI negotiator, and manage to get their hands on heavy weaponry (including an ICBM), and negotiate for a cattle truck driven by Michael Dorn (in full Worf makeup, and he must address Cartman as "captain") to drive them to the airport so they can escape to Mexico. They also get the FDA to change the term for veal to "tortured baby cow meat" and almost get North and South Dakota. Meanwhile, they eat food smuggled in by Ms. Cartman, which contains beef jerky and fried chicken. While most of the group eagerly eats this food, and Cartman happily feeds some of the jerky to one of the calves, Stan feels so strongly about the cause of saving the calves that he becomes fully vegetarian, and eats only apples. Cartman makes fun of this with a bit of foreshadowing, saying "if you don't eat meat, you become a pussy." As a result, Stan comes down with a strange illness, and develops sores all over his face.

The boys are eventually outmaneuvered by the police, who capture the truck. The boys are ultimately successful, however, since at this point the rancher no longer wants his calves. Since veal is now known as "little tortured baby cow", there is no longer a market for veal. Stan is now so sick that he must be rushed to the hospital, and is confined to his hospital bed for two weeks. The doctor describes Stan's disease as Vaginitis, a condition which occurs when one stops eating meat, and which causes its victim to break out in vaginas all over his body. "If he had stopped eating meat completely," says the doctor, "he would've turned into one giant pussy" (a joke on what Cartman said earlier in the episode). Although the other boys get grounded (except Cartman), their parents decide to treat them to burgers before heading home, to which they excitedly agree.


  • In the original Comedy Central and Comedy Network version, the doctor says that if Stan wasn’t treated sooner for his vaginitis, he would have turned into “a giant pussy.” Syndicated reruns redub this with “giant vagina” (though his lips still read "pussy").
  • This scene has though been shown uncensored on Channel 4 and Sky One in the United Kingdom and appears unedited on the season 6 DVD.

Cultural references

  • Randy Marsh compares the boys to "little John Walkers." This is meant as a reference to John Walker Lindh, an American who fought for the Taliban.
  • Michael Dorn is famous for playing Worf on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He is portrayed in this episode wearing a sweatshirt which bears the logo of Pasadena City College, his real-life alma mater. After this episode was broadcast, Dorn revealed that he is a fan of South Park, and would've provided his voice for the episode had he been asked.


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